Almost "Normal" Eating Habits...gah.

I fucking hate those moments when I remember that I hate my life.

When Midas ignores me or flirts with another girl.
When Kat freaks out and has one of her mood swings leaving me all alone for no reason.
When my mother gets drunk and explodes, throwing things and hurtful comments and accusations. When I just want to crawl into a hole and die.

For awhile, the only way I could deal with these feelings was to battle them with hunger-that's why I lost 4 pounds(ok all water weight but still :P) last week.
Everytime something like this happened, all I could do was feel eternally grateful that I had, at least, not eaten.

Now, I've been eating "normally", and these things are still sometimes happening. I want to fast again. I had a system: fast one day, eat a small 500> meal mid-day, then fast the next day. For about a week, and I lost permanently.

I want to be happy while I do it though...so we'll see.

B: *bowl of Cheerios w/ skim milk
*handful of Hot Fries
L: *3 baby carrots
*banana
*4 saltine crackers
*mustard on bit of grilled chicke
MISC: *piece of lemon meriangue pie
*piece of chocolate cake
D: *3 florets broccoli
*small slice of grilled chicken

...I always binge on sweets. Always.

Well, they're officially no longer allowed. That, or carbs. Or dairy. Or meat.

(...oh hell. not like I was eating very healthily anyway...)

TOTAL INTAKE: Possibly over 2,000.

..................................

Well ok. I looked in the mirror at school without hating myself. So maybe that's a step in the right direction for my self-esteem.
Question is...do I really want to be okay with this?
Better yet: Will I ever be okay with this?