Not my fault...okay kinda.

Well the whole thing made me gain back up to 135/136.

I want to fast tomorrow, or at least hold off eating until I get home, but I'll probably just wake up and immediately eat a couple bowl of Cheerios.

Blah. There's no point to this.

134.2

Lowest weight, yesterday. This morning it was 134.6, and an hour ago it was 136.4...

This is so fucking unreal. I haven't even had to fast. Little piggy I am loves my newfound joy, peanut butter-banana-honey sandwiches.
-2 slices whole wheat bread (140)
-1 tablespoon peanut butter (100)
-1/2 banana (50)
-honey (20)
=350, at most.

They are so fucking worth it, though, not eating all day and then indulging. It's sure as hell not very balanced, of course...

I have fucking hemorrhoids. Again. FML

Aw.

I could so see my collarbones today. :)

It should worry me that I barely noticed this since officially reaching the 30s.

I almost don't care I've shot back up to 139.8 at night (laughed out loud, because I had been praying to stay at least in the 30s, not giving a damn if it even read 139.8, after bingeing mindlessly, angry about my period and so many other things).

I wore this pretty black ruffly shirt today, spaghetti strings, and a necklace that laid on my collarbones.

They stick out even when I'm just there.

Yes.

:(

Awwwwww and now I have to eat pizza with her to make her feel okay.

Crap...that'll put my intake really really high, probably over 2000...
Can't weigh self 2morow, can't eat tomorrow.

Ok, mom...

OH LOL

She said "You need to understand that when the body doesn't get its required vitamins, when you lose muscle mass due to anorexia, you can develop leukimia."

Aw, mom, I'm sorry I love you but it's sad when you try to sound like you know what you're talking about.

And I just read an article that said they might have LESS chances of developing things like leukiemia.

...But of course, we'll probably die from a million other complications...

DAMNNNNNNNNNNN PIZZZZZZAAAAAA

136.6

Mom got drunk and started yelling me about my weight.

"LOOK AT YOURSELF! YOU'RE GETTING TOO SKINNY! YOU LOOK SICK! I CAN SEE YOUR SHOULDERBLADES, YOU'RE BONY!"

I started laughing, which got her even more upset.
But...I just didn't see it.
I look in the mirror and I still see that chubby girl 30 pounds ago.
I'll never tell her that, but I do admit I might have a problem.

She thinks I'm lying about eating at school. (Almost true).

Past few days I've binged on cereal in the morning, come home and snacked, and that's it.

I'll eat the frozen pizza with her tomorrow night...between the two of us, it's around 1800 calories, 900 each...*shudder* well if I have some it'll get her off my back.

...I want to stop.

137.6

In the morning.

I ate so much today.

Now I'm suffering painful, painful gastrointestinal troubles.

Didn't want to resort to yet more laxatives, so I ate some steamed veggies, to try and, um, get things going...and now it hurts.

We have no freakin Bean-O or Gas-X...the internet tells me to walk around...too bad I have an essay due tomorrow...oh I'll make time.

I can only pray I still weigh in the 30s...I will not weigh myself.

Tonight. Or in the morning.

UrghghghhhhhhhhhhTHIS IS WHAT UNHEALTHY EATING HABITS DO TO YOU

138.6

This morning. Without even starving (*AHEM* fasting)

OF course, I just ate a small DQ Blizzard, French Silk Pie.
-680 calories
-31 g fat

...I was freaking this morning...woke up hungry, but there's no food in the house.
Well, frozen pizza, pancake batter, and white bread do not count.

But nothing else.

I didn't want frozen veggies-it was ten in the morning.

I didn't want crackers-they're way too salty, I thought.

I sat on my bed rocking back and forth my tear ducts filled with the familiar tension, but no tears.

Then mom took a shower, and since Anabel doesn't let me eat around other people, I took this opportunity to eat 4 jellybeans and 2 saltine crackers with mustard.

I felt okay...no freaking out because of the eating.

Then I had the blizzard. But...I want so badly to stay in the 30s.

YAYYYYYYYY I fit into my friend's old size ten jeans!! :D

Last time I tried em on, they fit, but with massive amounts of excess flesh that spillth over.

Now, NO muffin top.

I look like...normal, almost, in them.

I have to finish all the damn homework this afternoon...including the damn english essay from a week ago. "Define the similiarties and differences between the novel "Hunger Games" and the film series "The Matrix".

I'm gonna throw in some mentions of Baudrillard, just to excite my teacher :P Most of the kids in my class would just copy the little intro she provided with us, and add some more mentions of how they're both about people who kill each other.

Damn this fake advanced class, for the stupid kids who want the credit.
Damn my wonderful teacher, who is so forgiving with grades.

I am a terrrible, terrible person.

She dumped him. Cowardly, wouldn't even talk to him, just ran away when he tried to talk to her.

I deserve to fucking die for making my little cousin cry. I had a bad day, I was outright cruel. "Only stupid people watch T.V."

I know it's not her fault she's dyslexic. I didn't mean to make her cry.

Stupid bitch. Die.

Easter Goodies

some random asian-ana's thighs-she weighs in at around 80 pounds now...then again, she's like 8 inches shorter :\

AND ABOUT EASTER:
I just know mommy made me a basket :) :P

I think. She got me something, which hasn't happened since I was about 9.

It might be "Oracular Spectacular"-MGMT and a chocolate bunny. If I'm lucky.

I made her this random tiny little card, decorated and everything, with one of my snarky sentiments inside and everything...:P

But just when I thought we were making headway, with the whole "let's not try to kill each other for just a few days" thing, she was in a crazy bad mood today, and after a few beers in the morning, was positively vicious, talking about how much she hated me, what a mistake I was, how much she wanted me out of the house, blahblahyapyapshit.

Not eating breakfast, or lunch, and feeling down, whereas I would normally scream back, I just ate a handful of jellybeans. I should have retreated into my room, but I had to do chores.

Well...here's to surviving my family's foodfest tomorrow :P

oh Flo I luv your legs...hair...voice...you...i mean-yeah.

139.8

Freaked yesterday, because I woke up at 141.6 and weighed myself at night at 154.6.

Threw my scale in my closet and dedicated myself to barricading myself in my room.

Went to the movies with Kat, and neither of us had more than five bucks (in other words, no room for food) Not that either of us are real big on snacking during movies.

Walked around town for awhile, but her sister wouldn't give me a ride when she came to pick her up...coughcough...so I had to call Mom and run back to the theater.

Got home, mildly curious, and the number just popped out at me. Of course, I gorged myself on Special K, so...still :)

Yeah, no, FUCK my scale. Again.

Too bad it's broken.

140.6 in the AM, after bingeing emotionally and mindlessly in the morning, and drinking tons of water upon coming home, 141.8...at around 7.

I felt I could deal with this-it would go down, and then even more as I slept.

Fuck that shit-at 9, it had jumped to 142.2, without eating or drinking.

An hour ago, it was 142.6.

Screw that thing.

Took liquid laxative, and fuckit nothing's happening...my stomach's just bumbly, I'm a little nauseous, and dammit I want a fucking Baby Ruth bar.