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So after leaving the computer...the parents leave for work...and I sneak into the kitchen to eat.

Sneaking, like a dirty little thief.

That's just how it is-when the kitchen, house, is full, I don't feel comfortable enough to eat, or snack. I hide away in my little abode, until the house is empty and mine again.

But I wanted food. I told myself just a little something...

*Half a banana...cause I don't like them that much.
*Yoplait Lite Red Velvet Cake (the color-dusty brick-and the taste scared me a lil, I can't lie, but I still consumed the entire damn 6 oz...waste not want not...:P)
*5 or 6 Club Crackers...

No freakin idea how many cals. I always go over, just to be safe and lie to myself, so I'll say 300. If I can get away with lying to myself later on, 350 or 400.

But it's not just the cals I worry about...my weight just piles on when I eat *anything*...so it had to be almost 10 oz. Not good, cause water weight isn't going down to well when I'm "sick".

...God the selfloathing. It's not even about weight...I'm just so ugly. It's not a self concious teenage girl thing "ohmigawd i hate my self sooooo muuuuuchhhhhh!!!!!!"
...Okay, maybe a lil. But if you were to see me...you'd agree :(

So the weight thing's just a way to deal.

If I'm small, I don't have to worry about being ugly as much.
Or boring. Or weird. Or whatever the hell I worry about myself.