133.8

A week or so ago. In the AM was 136.4...but I binged hardcore today because I was angry, hot, and bored.

So no promises tomorrow, but I made cupcakes. All I want is soup.

135.8

Up from 134.4 this morning...well, I did indulge in Whataburger.

I fucking LOVE that Honey BBQ Chicken Strip Sandwich.

Ate only that, drank my weight in Diet Coke and then water, so maybe just water weight.
Likely.

Tomorrow is B's birthday...I want cake.

I admit it: I like eating.

Nothing but that, though...and yearbooks come out...wonder if Midas showed up...

Whataburger

Honey BBQ Chicken Strip Sandwich
-two 5 inch buns
-3 crunchy chicken strips
-2 slices Monterey jack
-slathered with honey bbq sauce
...
-1100 calories
-59 grams of fat

I Don't even fucking care. i won't eat all week just for that-it's a seasonal item, only comes out for around 6 weeks. do you know how many months i've glanced at whataburger waiting for that freakin' banner to proclaim that it's back??

...i'm gonna hate myself. i'm gonna love it.

137.6

Massive quantities of food this week.

Yesterday my class went to the beach to do some volunteer work-I found a 1.5 inch crab claw. I also ended up scraping the backs of my knees and fucking up my neck, because I wanted to sit down after 2 hours of wandering the beach staring down looking for litter.

Not wanting to sit on the sand in my shorts (!!!) I tried to boost myself up and sit on a wooden handrail to a walkway.

I ended up falling backwards, and shooting splinters up my legs.

I ate...
-3 pieces of toast 2/ honey at home in the am
-a simply caramel milky way bar on the way to school
-a taco maxie brought, bacon egg and cheese
-a baby ruth bar as i got on the bus
-some cheetos maxie had on the bus
-a diet pepsi bottle
-1 1/2 chocolate chip cookies vivian brought on the way to the nature center
-some more cheetos
-a fucking hunger buster hamburger from a fast food restaurant (i...took the tomato, pickles, and onions out and filled it with french fries...)
-my serving of french fries
-a diet coke
-20 packets of ketchup
-half of kim's fries
-a tootsie roll pop on the way home
-4 more tootsie roll pops at home

.........well, i need help. i'm the girl who eats either far too much or not nearly enough. but how to be normal?...
:(

Scared

Of the massive quantities of food I've been consuming.

I'm smart enough not to start purging, partly because I've been deathly afraid of something like my esophagus rupturing.

Now I'm afraid of the other way, eating so much and how it affects your fucking intestines.

It was so perfect yesterday...now I'm afraid I can't be normal.

Not my fault...okay kinda.

Well the whole thing made me gain back up to 135/136.

I want to fast tomorrow, or at least hold off eating until I get home, but I'll probably just wake up and immediately eat a couple bowl of Cheerios.

Blah. There's no point to this.

134.2

Lowest weight, yesterday. This morning it was 134.6, and an hour ago it was 136.4...

This is so fucking unreal. I haven't even had to fast. Little piggy I am loves my newfound joy, peanut butter-banana-honey sandwiches.
-2 slices whole wheat bread (140)
-1 tablespoon peanut butter (100)
-1/2 banana (50)
-honey (20)
=350, at most.

They are so fucking worth it, though, not eating all day and then indulging. It's sure as hell not very balanced, of course...

I have fucking hemorrhoids. Again. FML

Aw.

I could so see my collarbones today. :)

It should worry me that I barely noticed this since officially reaching the 30s.

I almost don't care I've shot back up to 139.8 at night (laughed out loud, because I had been praying to stay at least in the 30s, not giving a damn if it even read 139.8, after bingeing mindlessly, angry about my period and so many other things).

I wore this pretty black ruffly shirt today, spaghetti strings, and a necklace that laid on my collarbones.

They stick out even when I'm just there.

Yes.

:(

Awwwwww and now I have to eat pizza with her to make her feel okay.

Crap...that'll put my intake really really high, probably over 2000...
Can't weigh self 2morow, can't eat tomorrow.

Ok, mom...

OH LOL

She said "You need to understand that when the body doesn't get its required vitamins, when you lose muscle mass due to anorexia, you can develop leukimia."

Aw, mom, I'm sorry I love you but it's sad when you try to sound like you know what you're talking about.

And I just read an article that said they might have LESS chances of developing things like leukiemia.

...But of course, we'll probably die from a million other complications...

DAMNNNNNNNNNNN PIZZZZZZAAAAAA

136.6

Mom got drunk and started yelling me about my weight.

"LOOK AT YOURSELF! YOU'RE GETTING TOO SKINNY! YOU LOOK SICK! I CAN SEE YOUR SHOULDERBLADES, YOU'RE BONY!"

I started laughing, which got her even more upset.
But...I just didn't see it.
I look in the mirror and I still see that chubby girl 30 pounds ago.
I'll never tell her that, but I do admit I might have a problem.

She thinks I'm lying about eating at school. (Almost true).

Past few days I've binged on cereal in the morning, come home and snacked, and that's it.

I'll eat the frozen pizza with her tomorrow night...between the two of us, it's around 1800 calories, 900 each...*shudder* well if I have some it'll get her off my back.

...I want to stop.

137.6

In the morning.

I ate so much today.

Now I'm suffering painful, painful gastrointestinal troubles.

Didn't want to resort to yet more laxatives, so I ate some steamed veggies, to try and, um, get things going...and now it hurts.

We have no freakin Bean-O or Gas-X...the internet tells me to walk around...too bad I have an essay due tomorrow...oh I'll make time.

I can only pray I still weigh in the 30s...I will not weigh myself.

Tonight. Or in the morning.

UrghghghhhhhhhhhhTHIS IS WHAT UNHEALTHY EATING HABITS DO TO YOU